Sunday, May 15, 2011

A Church Service, As Seen Through Kayto's Brain

1) Pay attention to welcome, announcements, greeting, and everything up to the songs.
2) Sing songs.
3) Try to find harmony.
4) Fail.
An approximation of our pew
5) Sing off-key in hopes that there is harmony in there somewhere.
6) Sit down.
7) Stand up.
8) Sit down again. Start to contemplate church-service aerobics.
And 1, and 2, and praaaaise the Lord!
9) Oh shoot, we're praying! Attempt to pay attention.
10) Hmmm. There are pen marks on the pew in front of me.
11) Toddler? Or just bored people?
12) I think this one looks like an iguana.
13) Oh, yeah. Amen.
14) Thirty seconds into the sermon, notice that the PowerPoint (which involves a circle and a cross getting progressively closer to the center) resembles a radar screen.
15) I wonder, if Jesus comes back flying, would he show up on radar?
16) I bet aliens would show up on radar.
17) Epiphany! Preacher-man looks like my religion professor! Maybe they're secretly related.
18) On the front of the bulletin, there is a picture of the church. Draw aliens landing on it.

19) Preacher-guy is illustrating a point using Dennis the Menace. This is relevant to my interests.
20) Oooh, attendance. I commandeer it and write all of our names using the Momster's last name instead of our own, just because.
21) When she rolls her eyes, point out that this is better than writing everyone's names backwards, which I prefer. Backwards and upside-down.
22) Praying? Again? Oh, dismissed. Can we have Mexican for lunch?

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